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Do creepy, crawly critters cause you to cringe? What about alliteration? Either way, if you like movies with the inherent "ick" factor these varmints elicit, film critic Mr. Satanism has you covered. With spiders. And if 50+ movies featuring nature's least wanted aren't enough, he also takes a look at a handful of thematically-similar novels that could have been movies but, tragically, weren't. Fumigation not included.
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Cannibal movies really are the least-effort-required horror movies to produce. A little fake (or not) blood and some expired meat donated by a sympathetic butcher, and you're good to go. All you have to do is promise the butcher a producer credit. The point I'm trying to make is, don't expect a lot of high-quality movies to be covered in this book. In fact, as with all of my movie guides, the lower your keep you expectations, the better. Satisfied,...
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Rage-fueled supervillain-cum-movie critic Mr. Satanism is back, with an entire book dedicated exclusively to werewolf movies. Why? Because he hates himself, apparently. See, despite being one of monsterdom's elite trifecta (alongside Dracula and the Frankenstein Monster) the werewolf hasn't been served too well by Hollywood, or anyone else, for that matter. (The only original Big G Monster Cereal to be permanently discontinued? Fruit Brute, the werewolf-themed...
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Dragons? Wizards? Hobbits? Supervillain-cum-movie critic Mr. Satanism has had enough of all this magic and wonder, so he's back to take the piss out of fantasy films once and for all. Be they Arabian adventures, Arthurian fantasies, or hopelessly-outdated Dungeons & Dragons clones (what is this, 1978?), Mr. Satanism gives them the skewering they deserve, from the inexplicably admired (Conan the Barbarian) to the justly forgotten (Wizards of the Demon...
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Think you know zombies? Supervillain-cum-film critic Mr. Satanism plumbs the depths of this over-saturated genre, with over 100 brutally honest reviews of undead obscurities you never knew existed, including, er, gems like Dorm of the Dead (2006); Corpses are Forever (2003); Decay (2012); The Quick and the Undead (2006); Fear of the Living Dead (2010); Babylon Fields (2007); Buck Wild (2013); Corpse Eaters (1974); Night of the Tripping Dead (2007);...
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Quick, name something invisible. If you said something like "Institutional racism!" then don't buy this book, because you're just gonna end up getting ticked off and signing some online petition. If you said "The Invisible Man!" though, or "Those invisible brains from that old black & white movie, what the hell was it called...?", you've come to the right place, because this guide is dedicated entirely to movies and stories about invisible people,...
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A canine-thropic (it's a word now) assault on that detestable Uncle Tom of the animal kingdom, man's so-called best friend (not), the treacherous, mangy, smelly, useless DOG. Vilest of pets, the dog does nothing, produces nothing, embitters nothing, and will turn on you at the drop of a hat and/or the second someone else gives it a cheeseburger. Needless to say, movies about dogs aren't much better, and from family-friendly fluff to killer canine...
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If something smells fishy, it's not just Mr. Satanism's ex-wife, because this time the infamous Internet film critic is taking on shark movies, hilariously skewering everything from proto-Jaws potboilers, to Italian jawsploitation "classics", to the current crop of gimmicky CGI garbage. (Sharknado, anyone?) See the Jaws series deteriorate with each entry, discover ripoffs you never knew existed, and learn how the Jaws phenomenon influenced programming...
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Infamous film critic Mr. Satanism takes a break from the horror beat to deconstruct the critically-neglected but perennially popular sub-sub-genre known as the "Lifetime Original Movie". Why? Because with their paranoid plots, self-loathing misogyny, and heavily-stylized violence, many of these movies are as twisted as any horror flick, and Mr. Satanism calls them out on every cinematic misstep, hilariously mocking their deranged, repetitive tropes...
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Mr. Satanism: "So, would it be wrong to say that I roast these movies?"
Editor: "That could be construed as disrespectful, yes."Mr Satanism: "How do you figure?"
Editor: "Witch trials were once a very real thing, you know."
Mr. Satanism: "Yeah, but that was back in historical times, and as we all know tragedy plus history equals comedy."
Editor: "Uh, I don't think that's quite right. Regardless, my point is that, as a result of those trials, untold...
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"I sense an unnatural presence in this place... and I'm going to f-k it!" Infamous internet film critic Mr. Satanism sets his sights on the haunted house film, savaging the Amityville Horror series, Sean S. Cunningham's House series (including the elusive third entry), and dozens more, from the celebrated (The Legend of Hell House) to the obscure (Ghostly Revenge; Tragic) to the purportedly true (entirely too many). You'll laugh yourself right into...
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Like true love, Bigfoot doesn't really exist, but that hasn't stopped hordes of people from looking for him, trying to capture him on film, and, worst of all, making terrible movies about him. Now Mr. Satanism, the greatest genre movie critic in the world, takes the Footheads to task with his latest film guide, drop-kicking every Bigfoot and Yeti movie he could find, from the sub-genre's heyday in the hick-infested 1970s right up to the current spate...
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We've all seen at least one movie where a friendly alien visits Earth only to face prejudice and misunderstanding. Well forget those movies. Space aliens should be scary, and the ones featured in Mr. Satanism's latest film guide ARE scary, because he's limited this book to flicks about creepy alien greys, the inscrutible Men in Black, unfathomable government conspiracies, and the like. Most of them utterly ridiculous, of course. Because the truth...
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